I have three kids (one of each – ho ho) and I love being a dad. In fact, I’d say the best thing about being a writer is being able to knock around with the children during my frequent tea breaks. I was left in charge of all three of them this weekend – the lovely, sensible five year old girl; the crackerjack three year old boy (owner of one of the largest heads in Europe); and their gorgeous but slightly feral one year old brother (AKA Mowgli). Nobody was severely injured (more by luck than judgement of course) and we had a brilliant time.
Of course, little people can drive you nuts (seriously, how many times can you tell a three year old boy to put his bum away???) but they never, ever stop making me laugh. My missus and I recently decided we’d keep a record of some of their greatest comedy moments and I thought I’d share them.
Apologies that this is a “Ha ha! Don’t kids say the funniest things…?” post but hey… they made me giggle. Here we go:
Son: (Completely out of the blue, rushes into the kitchen, excited and a little agitated) Mummy?
Son: Do yaks go to church?
Daughter: (slightly worried) Daddy?
Me: Are you ok darling?
Daughter: There’s nothing in my nipples.
Son: I don’t like Gramps.
Me: Why not?
Son: He’s so old his face has gone mouldy.
And my favourite…
Son: Mummy. What rhymes with lion?
Mum: I can’t think of anything.
Son: What about…. Hiun
Mum: Well, yes. Hiun does rhyme with lion but I don’t think it’s a word.
Son: Hiun is a word.
Mum: I don’t think it is.
(This argument continues for several minutes)
Mum: (Deep breath) Ok. Can you put it in a sentence?
Son: Easy. That shelf up there’s a hiun.